We all face barriers throughout life.  Often, we just settle because we forget about the power of fighting for something better.  Other times, we remember, and it changes our lives.  

Last Saturday, I had the honor of being captured by Humans of San Antonio (HOSA), an artistic and humanistic initiative with roots in NYC.  I had just finished leading my weekly meditation group at The Historic Pearl and was about to continue my typical Saturday morning dance by grabbing some fresh veggies and goods at the Pearl Farmers Market.  That's when Michael Cirlos III, founder of HOSA, caught up with me.  He had great questions:  What do you do?  What did you just come from?  What inspires you?  What is one hardship you feel great about overcoming?  

He really made me think. 

I talked mostly about my professional life, my recent adventures in self-branding, the benefits of meditation, and my fantasy of becoming an off-grid mango farmer in Hawaii.  There was one experience I also talked about, though, that since he published I've been thinking a lot about.  

When I was in band in high school, I was told that I couldn't make the drum line because I was too weak, as a girl.  I don't think a girl had been on the drum line previously in our small town and it does take a lot of forearm and hand muscles to control the sticks and carry the drum.  The boys so naturally made the drum line because of their build.  I, on the other hand, was really bad at controlling the sticks and could barely lift the drum because I had no meat on my bones.  It seemed pretty bleak, but I felt angry-inspired.  Why can't I be the first?  Why should a gender-based limitation prevent me from doing something I feel passionate about?  

Besides my normal self-doubt and the discouragement from my peers, the real barrier was just one thing:  muscle tone.  Part of that is genetic and part was under my control.  The solution, then?  Toning up.  I borrowed my mom's 3lb weights and used them in place of drumsticks for an entire summer.  My paradiddles were on point! When drum line tryouts happened, I impressed a lot of boys by making my way onto the snare line, where I stayed.  It was consistently more difficult for me than it was for the guys; I tripped a lot, was sore and bruised all the time, struggled much more with everything...but I made it and that's what mattered.  This showed me that if you're motivated, creative, willing to drop the self-doubt and face the struggle, you can find effective ways around almost all barriers.

This experience changed the way I looked at other challenges in later stages of my life.  I had more faith that if I just worked hard, even when it was not fun, something good would eventually come. In fact, figures of authority told me I wasn't good enough for the following things so "don't try" (but I did):

      1) Getting into University of Miami:  Well, after a struggle, I did get in and received amazing                     training. It led to getting the chance to live in Miami & Boston, a Harvard fellowship, a Ph.D. and             interesting areas of focus in which I never imagined I would have the opportunity to be involved.
      2) Modeling:  Well, I did take the plunge on this too after lots of work in the beginning. I had the                experience of being an agency-represented runway model in Miami for 5 years, which taught me            lots about myself, the world of fashion, women in general, and the discrepancy between real life              and what we see in magazines (stay tuned for a blog entry on this soon...).

I had to work hard to get to both of those points and and stay there because I wasn't as competitive or didn't have the training some others did, but I embraced the hurdles, leaned on my support system, worked hard, and eventually succeeded. In reflecting on my personal challenges, I realize my barriers have been very small compared to what some people face and overcome.  Intellectual and physical disability come to mind, which remind me of these people making recent news for overcoming their specific barriers:

• Jamie Brewer - The first model with Down Syndrome walking New York Fashion Week 2015
  
• Viktoria Modesta - Pop star with a below-knee amputation and accessories for it (watch the vid)
  
• Combat Wounded Veteran Challenge - taking injured vets on big adventures (Mt. Kilimanjaro?!)
  

Can we just take a second for Viktoria Modesta...Go girl!  What a great example of how you can redefine your life and change the way others think at the same time.  This goes for the other two as well.  Hack your mind, hack your life, y'all.  Changing your perspective not only changes the way we see the world, but also how we behave in the world, and consequently, how others behave toward us. 

So how do you overcome your specific barriers?  It's pretty simple to create a focused plan if you're willing to face it and try. And if you're willing to try, anything is possible. Take a look at the following and apply it to your life:

   1) What is your goal?  And are you passionate about it?  (Passion means you will work hard...)
   2) What is keeping you from your goal?  Why haven't you achieved it yet? (Find the specific barrier)
   3) What kind of barrier is it?

• Is it mental?
  
• Is it physical? gender, orientation, body-related
  
• Is it placed on you by someone else?
  
• Is it time-related?
  

   4) Figure out what you need to do to overcome it & create a plan.  
   5) Take action, even if small.

We all have limitations.  This doesn't mean we can't excel, it just means we have to identify what exactly we need to work harder at and then keep doing it.  Struggle is necessary.  My dad has always said "you grow the most when things are the hardest" and I've really come to understand and believe that.  I believe we too often lose faith in ourselves and settle for something less or something safe, when what we could do to achieve our dreams is waiting just around the corner.  Look for that, find it, harness it, and don't fear the struggle....because often our weaknesses, if faced and worked through, open doors to strengths we could not have imagined.

>>>Want some help in working through barriers to achieve your goals?  That's one of the things I help clients do in 1:1 sessions via Skype or in person.  Email me & mention this blog for a free consultation:  DrLB@drlindsaybira.com

Chronically stressed at work? Too much going on outside of work to concentrate?  Or just having a rough day? Here are 6 common workplace dilemmas with solutions that will alleviate distress, increase motivation, and improve health (if practiced):

Problem 1:  High demands & deadlines are making you feel overwhelmed

• You get to work and already you are slammed with that task you didn't finish yesterday as well as 3 more dinging in your inbox.....and you wanted to make happy hour tonight.  

     Solution:  Take intentional breaks to breathe & focus on the moment at hand.  

• Simple techniques such as these fall under the umbrella of "mindfulness" practice. Mindfulness is about reorienting yourself to the present moment instead of letting your mind dwell in the past or worry about the future (which is unfortunately how we spend most of our time). Engaging in mindfulness practice has been shown to lead to many benefits, physiological and psychological, and can even improve productivity. See if you can make intentional efforts to reorient your attention, calm your mind & body, and tackle one piece of one task at one time. Then on to the next!
  

Problem 2:  Facebook is just too interesting and look! There's a bird outside and oops, you've gotten nothing done.

• Distractions are everywhere and suddenly they’re even more interesting when you have a really painful task to complete.  

     Solution:  Plan incremental rewards for yourself.  

• Instead of mindlessly eating all day, mindfully plan to have that handful of chocolate covered coffee beans at your 11am & 3pm slumps after ACTUALLY getting 2 solid hours of work done!  Then you can take a break and relax. Not to mention, getting something done will make you feel good, which will increase your motivation to get more stuff done.  And so the cycle continues (and it now includes chocolate!).  
  

Problem 3:  It all feels pointless and you feel unmotivated.  Time drags on.  Why are you even there?!

• It’s easy to lose track of your goals, especially if they are more long-term in nature and work is boring.  That makes motivation is almost non-existent. 

    Solution:  Get back in touch with your goals & plans. Re-evaluate them to make sure you're           working toward them.  

• Maybe you’re at your job strictly to make money for the other parts of your life.  Maybe this job is just a stepping-stone to a job you actually want later down the road.  Maybe you don’t even know what you want.  Regardless, remind yourself of why you are there.  Envision something you want down to small details and connect what you are doing now to that image.  Use that as motivation and mindfully bring yourself back to the task with the intention of getting it done.  
  

 Problem 4:  Annoying Co-workers 

• “If he makes that noise one more time…”
  
• “She’s seriously at my desk again?”
  
• “That thing he said was actually really offensive…”
  

    Solution:  Consider context to stop taking things personally

• Usually when we allow little things build up, we’re looking at them only from our favorite perspective:  ours.  We forget to consider the big picture and we are easily irritated.  Maybe he’s having high anxiety today (thus, the tapping); maybe she needs some extra support; maybe he actually didn't mean it the way you took it.  And even if it is the worse case scenario (e.g., he taps carelessly all the time; she doesn't understand boundaries; he actually meant to hurt you) actively communicate your needs in an open, honest, and caring way to be understood and effectively influence co-worker behavior without the close-quarters drama!  

 
Problem 5:  You didn't get time for breakfast, you don't like your outfit, & you got mean-mugged by your co-worker because you were 20-minutes late.  

• All of these things go back to one problem:  Not enough time in the morning.  Is there ever enough time?!

    Solution:  Get up 15 minutes early to make your morning a positive, calm part of the rest of           your day.  

• This simple trick will set you up for success.  You can plan your outfit better, get time for breakfast and coffee, and you are more likely to be on time (which will make you feel better about yourself).  You can even use some extra time in the morning to exercise (imagine having that checked off your list for the day!) or have a quiet morning meditation.  Stress is very related to mental health, so giving yourself the opportunity to feel more grounded will lead to feeling better overall and to more success during your day.  Try it!

 
Problem 6:  Your view is ugly.  You’re staring at a wall.  

• Why are you inside when outside exists?!
  

    Solution:  Bring life into your office.  

• Adopt a plant.  A fish.  Move your body.  Stretch.  Turn your desk in to a stand-up desk, even it if means pulling boxes & books out of the supply room until you get the right height (I have a colleague who has done this twice!).  Researchers have found that having plants in the workplace increases concentration and focus, improves workplace satisfaction, and makes the air seem more refreshing (Nieuwenhuis, Knight, Postmus & Haslam, 2014).  In addition, too much sedentary time has been found to be related to health problems in the long-term, so activity breaks are always a good idea.  
  

The Key??  Focus on things you CAN control: Deal effectively with your own mind, consider context to adjust your reactions to others, and manipulate your environment to make it more rewarding!

After being asked "Are you psychoanalyzing me right now? Can you read my mind?" from the 5,000th stranger who learned about my career path in psychology, I was frustrated.  I realized that the very dated and extreme idea of therapy (lying on a couch...talking about your childhood...being deeply & secretly analyzed) is still held by many and needs to officially be clarified. So, I'm taking it to The Internets.  

Today, the focus of psychological treatment, therapy, or psychotherapy if you'd prefer that term, is much different than it once was. We've come a long way since Freud swaggered through the scene -- Now, a very large body of research has established evidence-based treatments using interventions that are regulated and have been shown to work. Often, these treatment approaches have nothing to do with your childhood. Sure, your therapist will take some basic background history just to get a sense of who you are, but rarely do we explore deeper than that. Now, treatment is brief (~12 sessions or less), collaborative, focused on the present, and directed at giving you tools you can use for the rest of your life.  Also, psychologists are not psychics; the words sound similar, but no, they can't read minds!  It's up to you to be open and honest while at the same time willing to explore possibilities so that the therapist can best help you make changes.  

In addition, therapy is not only focused on ameliorating disorder or preventing disease; therapy also focuses on helping overall healthy people live healthier and better by fostering self-discovery, self-growth and working with them to adjust behaviors and reach goals. Therefore, yes, you can see a therapist if you are depressed or have anxiety so that you can get the help you need to recover. You can also see a therapist if you need some help, say, losing weight, or to stop smoking. You can even see a therapist to simply identify career goals, get your values back in line, and increase your feelings of fulfillment and overall happiness. Many therapists now approach therapy from a cognitive-behavioral perspective, meaning they work with you to identify and adjust thoughts (cognitive) as well as behaviors that may be holding you back. This gives you the perspective and tools you need to better yourself and improve your life, for the rest of your life. It's an approach that is very present-focused, skill-based, and effective.  

One last point:  Mental health professionals now are focused on being transparent and communicative, not necessarily secretive or forming opinions of which you will never be made aware. Therapy is about helping you learn about yourself, resolve any issues you may have, and recover a well-balanced & rewarding life. The relationship you have with your therapist is an important one, as trust has to be established, so it is often harder to find a therapist you feel comfortable with than it is to find a good primary care physician. This means if you're seeking one and having trouble, don't give up.

So, how might you benefit from therapy? What kind of ideas about therapy might you have previously held that have prevented you from ever pursuing it before?  And, what can you explore about yourself to begin to improve your life? 

Get involved in your own self-betterment initiative, whether that be through therapy, or simply working with yourself to adjust your perspective and reach your goals. Surround yourself with people who build you up (another blog post on this is coming...), seek resources that help open your mind, and aspire to never become too comfortable with the status quo of an unfulfilled life. 

So, how does that make you feel? ;)